Current Mood: Angry & Angry

I’ve seen several comments and/or references over the years, on blogs, messageboards, and many other places indicating that having a paysite in connection with porn and fetish work somehow indicates “fakery” and that only someone doing it for the “pure love” of it (aka:  free) can truly be considered to be a woman who “understands.”  Often specifically:  someone who “understands the smoking fetish.”

To my mind, the fact that I have been willing to put thousands of dollars into cameras, webcams, costumes, props, and expensive American cigarettes NOT available in Canada (not to mention 8 fucking years of my life) should indicate just the opposite:  such dedication to and genuine interest that I want to be sure I can provide the best possible medium to show it off, whether it be the fun Joe and I have fucking or my genuine love of smoking cigarettes for those who enjoy watching a woman smoke.

Asking that people then pay to see it is basic common sense.  I’m not rich.  I have an idea for something that requires large expenditures, thus I should probably make sure I get something back for it.

Duh.

• Each of the 13 webcams in my home cost anywhere from $35 to $150.  Since $35 often gives you a piece of shit webcam with crappy picture quality, most of them have cost towards the end of the spectrum.
• Each of the 5 camcorders we have gone through to capture video over the years has cost anywhere from $500 to $2500.  The two most recent we shoot with were each $2500.  The others cost money and are now gathering dust, having become  obsolete.  That’s life with technology.
• Joe’s lights, umbrellas, tripods, lenses = who the hell knows?  He might.  I don’t.  And now he needs a new camera, btw.
• Bandwidth and just HAVING an internet connection costs me (just ME — Joe has his own) almost $300 a month.
• American cigarettes I get from American site members willing to send me some as gifts. Then I give them free memberships to cover the expense.   They do not ask for this.  I do it as a courtesy and a thank-you.
• Hosting costs us hundreds of dollars a month.
• 6 computers to run it all:   $600 to $1400 each.
• Lingerie, costumes, holders, high heel shoes (shoes alone: $40 – $80 a pair) all cost money.

Then there is the time factor:  operating paysites = making a promise to the public to provide regularly scheduled quality updates in gallery or video form.

• Each “shoot” =  a minimum of 3 hours. Three hours that I am NOT out somewhere else working and making money.
• Editing, uploading video: 4 hours a week, twice a week.
• Weekly camshow:  time spent getting ready/time on camera 2 hours.  Time spent doing my hair or painting my face, when I could just sit like a lump on my couch in gympants.  OR be out somewhere else making money.  At a job.  That pays.

To say nothing of about 30 more hours a week spent on promotion, answering email, geeky maintenance, and god knows what else.   This time and expense, to me, should indicate the HIGHEST dedication to and love of sex and the smoking fetish possible to you.

Then there is the  general impact on my life from the fact that I openly and publicly run sex sites and will usually admit to doing so when asked.   I’m not snapping a few sneaky pictures to post on yahoo with my face blurred.  I’m right fucking out there in crystal clear clarity, advertising my ass all over the internet as MINA THE PORN FETISH SEX CHICK WHO SMOKES AND FUCKS LIVE ON 13 WEBCAMS ALL OVER HER HOUSE.

Which to many people  (including several members of our friends and families) STILL translates to dirty, skanky PORN WHORE.  I have put myself out there publicly and thus have had to deal with a level of disdain, disrespect, and prejudice that some casual yahoo poster will never have to know about.  My face isn’t blurred, and neither is my twat — it’s right there, and anyone who surfs for porn will eventually find me and see it all.

You’d think that would put us on an even playing field right? If they’re LOOKING for porn, how is that any different than CREATING and SELLING porn?   The difference lies between my legs.  Because I have a vagina, it is somehow assumed that the ability to intelligently and calculatedly attach a monetary value to it and then ASK for it somehow renders me “less” than what a woman “should” be.  Something must be wrong with me.  Women (it is presumed) who can that cold-bloodedly sell their ass to thousands of strangers must be (insert your favorite degradation here).

Just as (in the opinion of many) Joe is a cool motherfucker for taking pictures of naked women and selling them, I am most likely to be considered a loser skank for doing it. The double standard exists.  Men in porn are studs, women are mindless sluts.  A man who can take a picture of a naked woman and command a price for it is a savvy, intelligent, business-smart motherfucker.  A woman who would pose for that picture (or WORSE!!) sell it herself must have something wrong with her.

I get hit on by men who should fucking well know better.  I get treated like a dirty joke.  I get my name used by family members when they want to keep their children in line, because “god forbid you turn out like your aunt.”  I get touched.  I get grabbed.  I get snickered at when I try to explain that spreading my legs for a lens is the LEAST of the work I do.

So let’s recap, shall we?  I’m supposed to spend (over an 8 year period) thousands of dollars on technology/equipment/whatever, spent 40 hours a week in total isolation in my office without the usual social opportunity to make friends, be treated like a stupid whore for doing it, and THEN hand out the results for free lest it be assumed that I am not truly DEDICATED to the exhibition of my own sex life and smoking fetish????

FUCK YOU.

YOU try it then.  And let’s see how “dedicated” you are.  Odds are you won’t last for more than 3 updates before you realize just how much work it is (or you go broke trying to make content people won’t label as “looking like shit”).  And the first time some asshole (who is probably someone you considered a friend) grabs your wife’s ass because “what the fuck, you guys said you do porn???” let’s see how you feel.

That you should consider me as “less” of a performer than some bored bitch on yahoo posting 2 blurry pictures because she had a fight with her husband that day and she wants to “show him” indicates more ignorance than you will ever know.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 31st, 2009 at 11:49 AM and is filed under Rants / Bitchery. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.